As part of KidsTLC’s healing community, you’ve probably heard about some of the experiences of children in our care. I’d like to share with you about some other very important people that your support is impacting—parents and caregivers. Each week, I have the privilege of interacting with those who have children living on our campus. I hear about their most challenging days and see them in their most vulnerable moments. I watch their journeys as they learn more about themselves and begin to understand why they parent the way that they do.
Recently, I met a mother named Samantha. She decided to become a foster parent, and after a year of caring for a three-year-old girl named Bethany, she completed the adoption process. Bethany had a difficult start to life, beginning before she was even born. Her biological mother was homeless and received no prenatal care. As a result of Bethany’s mother’s inability to care for her weeks after she was born, Bethany entered the foster care system. For the next three years, Bethany was cared for by 18 different foster families until she found a stable home with her “forever” mom, Samantha.
Samantha loved Bethany deeply. Even though she was providing a safe, nurturing home, Samantha had growing concerns about her daughter. Bethany would sometimes become inconsolable for hours, and other times seem very distant as if she wasn’t present in the room.
When Bethany entered second grade, she started having more outbursts and began individual therapy. By the time she was in fourth grade, Bethany was being sent home from school multiple days a week because she was disruptive and aggressive to teachers and classmates. Samantha worked with the school to individualize Bethany’s education and followed advice from trusted friends and family. Nothing was working. Samantha began to feel that she was failing as a parent and started to withdrawal from her family and other social connections.
Bethany’s therapist recommended she be screened for psychiatric residential treatment services, and she arrived at KidsTLC soon after. In the days after Bethany was admitted, Samantha was so physically and emotionally exhausted that she did not call or answer phone calls from her daughter. Bethany’s therapist finally convinced Samantha to attend the KidsTLC CARES parent support group. Reluctantly, Samantha clicked on the Zoom link Bethany’s therapist provided.
Samantha was surprised to be greeted warmly by the group leader and other parents. She listened as they shared their own experiences and for the first time, Samantha felt understood as other parents empathized with her challenges. No one offered advice or criticized her parenting methods. What she heard most often was, “I’ve been there,” and “I know how alone you must feel.”
Samantha returned to the KidsTLC CARES group the following week. The group talked openly about their experiences of self-blame, feeling numb, feeling apathy, and just “going through the motions.” The leader shared that this was called “blocked care,” and how it is a result of caring for children who have “blocked trust.” Samantha also learned that Bethany had experienced something called developmental trauma, and that what happened to Bethany early in her life wired her brain and nervous system in a way that made her feel scared and untrusting of good care.
Over four months of treatment at KidsTLC, Samantha and Bethany began to build trust, communicate differently and strengthen their relationship. When it was time for Bethany to come home, Samantha was nervous but also felt comfort knowing she had new parenting skills and could continue to join the KidsTLC CARES weekly meeting for support.
As part of our healing community, YOU make it possible for parents like Samantha to build the skills they need to support and connect with their children as they face some of the most difficult challenges of their lifetime. Thank you for believing in the mission of KidsTLC and helping to make a lasting impact on the children and families we serve!
Brandon Mock
Vice President of Therapeutic & Thriving Communities